They Don't Know...

For better or worse, I moved to DC in June 2005. During the height of Washington Nationals mania, I wandered into a falafel shop and the guy behind the counter started ribbing me incessantly for wearing a Pittsburgh Pirates baseball cap and inciting the rest of the patrons in line to talk trash. It was as if I wandered into a Bronx pizza joint decked out in Red Sox gear. The Nats team cast such a strange spell on the entire city, at least until mid-August; still, baseball returning to Washington was the story in MLB that year.

Nats fans, if there are any left, don't know what it's like to lose. Pirates fans know what it's like to lose; 14 years of watching terrible teams take the field is, in a word, sobering. For the Nationals, 2006 was pretty much a smoke screen: Alfonso Soriano carried that team on his back. This year will be the true test of patience. Of course, the team's already averaging about 40% capacity so far, but the hypothetical ceiling's low and the hypothetical bottom is sort of like an endless pit. After this weekend's humiliating series, there's no doubt the Nats know what it's like to lose in a spectacular fashion. Acta's squad went 0-30 with runners in scoring position until Austin Kearns stemmed the bleeding in the 8th inning of Sunday's game. Back-to-back 7-1 losses against the low end of Arizona's rotation, followed by Livan Hernandez disgracing his former teammates by taking a no-hitter into the 6th innings.

Philly is phucking things up in spectacular fashion to start the season, too; the Nats actually have competition for the honor of worst team in the division. Expect Philadelphia to heat up somewhat when it doesn't count. The team has averaged 85 wins over the last six seasons. It's what they do. As Philadelphia arches towards mediocrity, the Nats are on a fast track towards ignominious immortality. This, my friends, is destiny...rewritten as a cosmic joke.