With apologies to Judy Blume

Are you there God? It's me, Doug Davis. I'm starting to thrive in Milwaukee. I'm so scared God. I've never been successful anywhere but here. Suppose no one notices me behind that handsome bitch Ben Sheets? Suppose I never get as much recognition as the Italian Sausage? Please help me God. Don't let this season end.

Yes. I'm talking about that Doug Davis, a total washout in Texas and owner of a not-so-special career 4.57 era and 1.55 whip. If you think Kip Wells is hot shit, please direct your attention to Davis. Dude's never gonna win a Sausage Race, but he has put together quite a run since joining the Brew Crew after getting the boot from Toronto at the end of the last season. Davis is still getting the job done, too -- after 8 strong starts at the end of 2003, there was some speculation that his numbers were inflated somewhat by a move to the (slightly) more pitcher-friendly National League. Here's Davis in the Senior Circuit:

2003 8 G / 8 GS / 52.1 IP / 49 H / 18 R / 15 ER / 21 BB / 35 K / 3-2 W-L / 2.58 ERA
2004 15 G/15 GS/ 91.2 IP / 90 H / 40 R / 35 ER / 31 BB / 60 K / 6-5 W-L / 3.44 ERA

Davis has cut down on the walks and hits this season, though his K/9 ratio isn't as good and he's given up a few more long balls -- hence the ERA inflation. Ben Sheets, who awoke from his career-long slumber this season to record 2 of the 10 most dominating games in MLB this season (including his masterful 18 k start and a 9 inning no-decision), is the top dog in Milwaukee. But Davis's numbers as a #2 starter are better than anyone's in half the rotations in baseball. Why, put together the tail end of 2003 with his starts this season and you've got All-Star worthy numbers: 23 starts, 144 innings, 9-7 W-L record and a 3.15 era. Did I mention that 11 of his 15 outings have been quality starts? That's more than Ben Sheets. And that wicked facial hair throws it over the top: it looks like some bored 6 year old defaced a team photo and drew an upside down Brewers logo on his chin. The guy is fo'real.